Joshua

“Josh,” his father said, “there’s something your mother and I would like to tell you.”

Josh swallowed hard and walked into the den where he saw his mom and dad sitting on the couch.

“Have a seat sweetie,” his mom said.

Josh sat down in the Lazy-boy, not knowing if he was in trouble or not.  He was going away to college soon, in fact, in the morning, so there wasn’t much left his parents could do to him.

His father continued, “We want to tell you a story, the story of how you got your name.”

Josh felt relieved.  Even though the story would most likely embarrass him, at least this time he’s got a chance to hear the story before his parents told his friends about it – like the story at prom.  God, the prom story.  Staci still won’t return his calls or texts three months on.

“About nineteen years ago your mother and I had grown tired of the bar scene.  Not that we didn’t like to party, we just didn’t need to go out to the meat markets every weekend anymore.”

Josh’s sixteen-year-old sister Emilie had come into the room.  She wanted to ask her mom a question but seeing this scene, she demurred.  

“On this particular Friday your mom had gotten us some particularly good X.  Do you know what X is?”

Josh nodded his head yes.  His ears were already beginning to burn red with mortification.

“Your mom always found good X.  She had the connections back then.”
“What do you mean back then?  I bet I could still do it today with one phone call.”  Josh’s mom smacked his father on the shoulder as she said that.  She often struck him in that playful way and they would stare a little too long into each other’s eyes after.

“Anyway, your dad and I rolled that Friday night and we were both feeling pretty good so we started dancing.”
“Yeah, we were listening to the music on our iTunes and the mood to move just kind of took over.  The more we danced, the more we wanted to dance.”
“The more we danced the more we turned up the music.  Back then, Josh, your father’s stereo went to eleven.” 
Josh’s father chuckled.  “It got pretty hot inside, so we started opening all the windows.  I thought the fresh air might cool us down but it wasn’t enough.  We started stripping too.”

Josh had the sinking feeling that this was not going to be a story about his parents that he wanted to hear.  They had already told him things that he didn’t want to hear, and he really didn’t like the direction this story was going.  Sure, you know your parents had sex at least once, because you’re here, but you don’t necessarily want to know the details.

“By this time a song by the Queens of the Stone Age called ‘Sick, Sick, Sick’ had come on and your father went nuts.  He cranked the stereo all the way up and started dancing like a madman.”
“I don’t think old man Hanson next door was too pleased.  I think I could hear him yelling at us to turn down the music, but I just didn’t want to.  It felt too good.”
“So finally I said to your father, ‘Richard, we’re probably way too loud right now.’  Of course, your father wanted to see for himself just how so we both went outside into the back yard.”
“We had both pretty much stripped down to our underwear by that point,” Josh’s father said smiling.  “Both of us were just drenched with sweat from the heat, the dancing, and the drugs.  The hair was sticking to your mom’s face…”
“Gross!” said Josh’s sister Emilie as she rolled her eyes, finally breaking her silence.
“You’ll hear your name’s story soon enough, Emilie Autumn DeSouza.” Her mother said.  “Right now it’s your brother’s turn.”
“Where were we?” asked Josh’s father.
“The backyard,” replied his mom.
“Ah, yes.  The sound in the backyard was great.  The din from the blasting song mixed with that of a soft, early summer breeze and the chirping of the crickets made for a great blend.  Then I looked over at your mom under the soft moonlight, and, well…”

Josh knew what was coming next.  He pretended that he wasn’t here, in his family’s den, listening to this song.  He imagined that he was anywhere else, doing anything else.  He couldn’t leave for college soon enough.

“You mom and I just started making love, right there in the grass of our backyard, in front of God and everybody.”
“Well, maybe not God but certainly all of the neighbors.”  Josh’s mom finished that sentence with a giggle.  Both of the children were visibly uncomfortable.
“Must have been because someone called the cops and the cops came pretty quickly.”
“But not as quickly as your father.”  Josh’s mom was still laughing when she said that.  Both kids cringed at the thought.
“We were both arrested for being naked and having sex in our own back yard and that pretty much ended the fun for the evening.  Soon, though, your mom found out she was pregnant.  Forty weeks to the day from that particular Friday night, you were born.  Since you were conceived while we were listening to ‘Sick, Sick, Sick’ we named you after Joshua Michael Homme.”
“You guys are so weird,” Emilie said in a huff.
“No, honey,” Emilie’s mom said.  “Your mommy’s alright and your daddy’s alright.  We just seem a little weird.”  Emilie’s mom finished with a smirk.  “Let’s listen to some Cheap Trick, Richard.”
“Sure, I think I’ve got it on vinyl.”