The Introvert's Dating Site

As online dating becomes more popular, niche dating sites are springing up, catering to specific demographics.  There are a variety of ethnic and religious dating sites.  There are sites for vegetarians.  There are sites for people of a specific political affiliation.  There are sites for people with specific careers.  There’s even the Atlasphere: a place where self-styled Howard Roarks can find and rape their own Dominique Francon in the name of Objectivism.

One thing I haven’t seen is a dating site specifically for introverts.  I think that’s because of the particular challenges faced when dealing with introverts.  Essentially you’ll be trying to make the unsociable sociable.  Do you know how hard that is?  Have you ever tried to get an introvert to go out anywhere?  It’s like going to a public park and trying to coax a squirrel to eat a peanut out of your hand.  You approach slowly, peanut in your extended hand, then you kneel close to the tree where the squirrel stands.  Initially, it gives you the side eye, but after several minutes of motionless genuflecting the thing begins inching your way.  It moves in several short bursts of a few quick steps followed by long pauses and nervous tail twitching.  You watch, statue-still, as its nose wiggles, sniffing at the peanut.  After what seems like an excruciatingly long time in a crouching position the squirrel finally gets within inches of your hand.  You can sense the moment of victory.  Then some damned five year old comes running up shouting about some stupid bird he sees.  Instantly the squirrel is so far up the oak that you’ll never get it back down.  You realize you’ve just wasted forty-five minutes of your life you’ll never get back: terrible way to blow your lunch hour.

So, considering the personality quirks common to introverts here is the introvert-centric dating site I would propose:

Welcome to <really clever name missing>, the online dating site specifically for introverts.   First off, we would like to tell you that your privacy and security is most important to us.  We promise that there will be no site generated emails, instant messages, or texts.  In order to achieve this, our site does not even ask for any of your contact information during registration or at any other point.   We know that you don’t want to have to clear out your inbox of hundreds of unwanted emails.  We can assure you that no SPAM will be coming to you due to your registration with <clever name>.

The level of interaction that you have with our site is up to you.  Come as often or as little as you like.  Contact as many people or as few as you are comfortable contacting.  If you so desire, you may lurk without making ever contact at all.  All profile browsing is done entirely anonymously.  No one will know that you’ve viewed their profile unless you want to let them know.  We will never email you to solicit your return to our site, no matter how long it’s been since your last visit, since we will not have your email.

The first step is to create your profile.  Take as long as you’d like to complete this information and feel free to share as much or as little as you want.  Don’t let anyone push you to do this too quickly.  Go at your own pace: the perfect phrasing often takes time to construct. 

Once you are comfortable, contact a prospective date through our site-only email.  This way, you can take time to think about what you want write before you send it.  Through the passive communication of email you’ll never have to feel the pain of a face-to-face rejection from either perspective.  If you are not interested in someone’s advance, simply delete the email without responding.  On the other hand, if your opening message did not go over as planned, no one will be able to trace the message back to you as we store no personal contact information on our site.  Contact here is consequence free.

When you’re ready for the next step, use our site-only instant messaging system.  Take the time to think about your messages and choose your words wisely.  Remember if you’re concerned about what you might say, you don’t have to take anything back that you haven’t sent it yet.  Once you receive a message there’s no need to respond right away.  For all the sender knows, you could be busy recompiling your kernel or soldering together pendants for your Etsy shop.  Respond at your own pace.  Bear in mind: don’t be too concerned about typos.  There’s no need to let a potentially enjoyable conversation die just because in your perfectly thought out sentence you accidentally misspelled a word. 

Finally, when you’re ready to make that huge leap, and actually meet someone face to face, you’ll have already established some sort of comfort level through online conversations.  Choose the location of your first meeting carefully.  Pick someplace that is quiet and secluded to minimize outside intrusions including the dreaded “pop in” by one of your more extroverted friends.  Nothing will throw an introvert off his game faster than the unexpected, especially when all the unexpected wants to do is bend your ear about whatever the hell useless ephemera excites them at the moment.  However, be careful of choosing places that are too calm and quiet.  If you happen to end up in one of those areas you will be responsible for actually carrying a conversation.  You’re better off somewhere that the environs can carry a little of the attention whether it is people watching, checking out the exhibits at a museum or art gallery, or at a movie where you’re not supposed to talk anyway.

On the other hand, beware locations with too much stimuli.  In this case, both you and your date could be overwhelmed by the situation and you will both spend the majority of your time together trying to find an appropriate excuse to leave and retreat to isolation in order to recharge.

Good luck and happy dating!