Cheesy Bread

“Hi I’m Spokesperson Number One...”
“...And I’m Spokesperson Number Two, speaking to you today About National Pizza Chain.”
“Now, what’s America’s number one side to order along with pizza?”
“Why, that would be a salad,” guffawed Spokesperson Number Two.

The two spokespeople laughed for an inordinate amount of time, especially for a paid advertisement.  Spokesperson Number One wiped tears of laughter from his eyes before continuing.

“A salad?  That’s rich.  We’re still in the United States aren’t we?”
“You’re right Spokesperson Number One.  No one in the United States eats salads.”
“There’s a reason our seventeen meat pizza is our best seller.”
“No, what people most want with their cheese pizza is more dough and cheese!”
“That’s right.  We’re talking about cheesy bread.”
“Recently there’s been a spate...can I use that word, spate?”
“Dumb it down for the people Number Two.”
“There have been a lot of improvements among our competitors’ cheesy breads...”
“Different types of cheese...more cheese on top...”
“One of our major competitors, we’ll call them The Leading Brand, has started stuffing cheese into the dough.”
“So we asked ourselves, how can we deliver more cheese than our competition?” Spokesperson Number One paused.
Number Two continued, “And we came up with the solution.  Let’s get rid of the bread altogether and deliver a solid block of cheese”
“Introducing,” said Number One while lifting up a box with the easily recognizable National Pizza Chain logo, “the new Mozarella Cotto.”
“We start with a four-pound slab of mozzarella cheese, bake it in our ovens until the cheese is bubbly and golden brown, and deliver it to you hot and fresh in a cardboard box.  Let’s see our competitors compete with that.”
“Well, there’s certainly no possible way for our competitors to deliver a better cheese to bread ratio.”
“It’s infinite!”
“No, dividing by zero in this context is undefined,” interrupted Spokesperson Number One.
“Where do you think we are, Finland?  Americans don’t understand math.”
“Speaking of math,” continued Spokesperson Number One, “if you go online now and order any medium or large specialty pizza, we’ll send you one of our new Mozzarella Cattos free!”
“Just like our motto says, ‘we’re the National Pizza Chain and we’re the reason that you’re fat.’”